Thirsty Thursday

I didn't do much drinking on Thanksgiving, but it seems that Henry was parched because while cleaning his cage I held his water container for him and he guzzled like a camel. My hand looks the size of Dave Grohl's in the Michel Gondry video to "Everlong."



At my parents' house April and I and her boys climbed on the hay in the old chicken coop and posed for pictures. Tyler tried picking fights with my parents most bad-A goat.

Friday we took Caiden downtown to the Church History museum. He loved seeing the old guns, some were as tall as he is.

And ever since the game ended on Saturday, I've been packed for our trip to Cancun. I made myself wait until Monday to start reading "Tropic of Cancer" because somehow I thought it the appropriate book for bringing on my trip, despite that it takes place in France. (Maybe I just need an external excuse to read something bawdy every now and then, even though I feel no internal shame in doing so). One more day before we leave.

Overseas Shopping Blunders

We've all done it when overseas. You feel like part of the community there, like you belong somehow because you get to be yourself completely. And so you purchase the native goods, feeling so at one with yourself and with them because you feel good about yourself.

In Israel I bought an Arab style dress like all the women wore at the market. The simplicity was so beautiful and serene to me. I wore it a few times during my semester over there, but never after bringing it back. I ended up giving it to my roommate who had some interest in it, though I'm not sure she was ever able to wear it either. I bought a set of glass painted bracelets there too. They were so beautiful, but in the end, not quite my style. Like artifacts, I love ethnic jewelry but the bracelets seemed more my sister's style, she looks good in anything and goes for more natural looking things. I've never been able to pull off the crinkle skirts or peasant blouses so I'm left with few outfits to wear ethnic jewelry with.

When I lived in Japan I bought Christmas gifts to bring home for my family and friends. At a loss for ideas, I thought it best to go with what all the Japanese were buying for gifts. They shop at large department stores, where things like fancy dishes and fabrics are on display. And because that was what was popular there, I found the platters elegant. Of course, personally I've never had a need or desire for fancy platters, who wants expensive dishes when you don't hold dinner parties or when your house is never emaculate? But I bought one for my boyfriend and I think my parents too, I honestly can't remember. I don't know what I was thinking then.

So I'm vowing now not to make stupid shopping blunders while in Mexico.

Free Pass

I got my first free pass to get away alone for the weekend. Been waiting a long time for it since I was sort of accustomed to being able to and it felt soooo good. The HB wanted to tile the bathroom and go to some of the high school playoff games so he sent me off. I met up with some of my old roommates on Friday and then headed to Cedar City. I went to Cedar Breaks where I hiked to the far overlook of the amphitheater and then also around the half frozen alpine pond. I found a tree that looked like a desert mermaid to me: The top branch being her hair trailing behind her and the bottom branch her body and tail.

That night I watched "The Door in the Floor" on my laptop in my crappy hotel room. My favorite part was when Jeff Bridges reads his short story aloud to an audience--I love to be read to and it was an intriguing story.

In the morning I got off early to hike to Kolob Arch in the north end of Zions. It was 13 miles in all and all beautiful. I loved seeing how the creek wore the rock away and couldn't resist plunging my feet in on the way back, despite the chill.

I might have considered eating the mushrooms if I hadn't been afraid I'd think myself a Sasquatch.


On my way home I stopped by the Parowan Gap Petroglyphs. It's a set of elaborate Fremont style glyphs that supposedly make a kind of solar calendar. They were fenced off and normally I would have loved to take a closer look but was honestly not that into it. I bought a huge ice cream sundae and drove home.

No Heroic Claims

As an afterthought to the post below, I wish to say that I don't believe I have any more grasp on life than anyone else, and that I don't think my personal philosophy on life better than any other philosophy on life. I have practically forced myself to make every move meaningful and purposeful so that the decisions I made in my past will have been worth the cost. I have to live life the way I do. And I suppose everyone does the same for themselves.

Atlas Shrugged 50th

I used to have a bumper sticker that read: "Who is John Galt?" Sometimes people left notes on my dashboard saying "we love that book too!" referring to Ayn Rand's 'Atlas Shrugged'. This year is the book's 50th anniversary. I read it when I was 19 years old. My friend Stephanie recommended it to me. I loved it, but had a hard time describing why to my friends or even what it was about. To me it was sort of about the economy, sort of a story about a woman, and mostly about knowing what you want out of life and not being apathetic. I think that's why the book affected me so much was because at that time I didn't know what I wanted. I was headed back to BYU, partly out of ignorance of what other possibilities I had. I was going to study archaeology because I loved it, and somehow I thought it would bring me adventure. I did know that I didn't want to be another person who talked about doing things but never actually did them. So the book sort of got me started on being unafraid to go after what I wanted. Some people call it selfishness, but for me it was about self-actualization. Why should I stay in Provo after graduation just because I had a boyfriend there? I wanted to get out into the world. I've had a lot of great times with people that didn't know what they wanted--and I think there's a difference between being a happy wanderer and being completely direction-less. But just knowing what you want to get out of things made everything more meaningful for me.

Having seen a lot of articles about the book recently because of the anniversary, I was reminded of all the things it did for me, or at least helped me realize so I could do them for myself. It gave me a sense of control and authority over my own life. It felt empowered to do the things that I dreamt of. I still have a huge problem with guilt, and in some ways, my sense of responsibility holds me back as well. So I'm still working on it, but I do believe that if you're holding the world on your back and it's getting heavier and heavier and you don't know why you're holding it, why not just shrug? Why continue to do things that have no meaning for you?

So if you've never read the book and most likely never will (it's a daunting 1000 pages), I'm sharing a poem I found a few years back that shares a similar philosophy. It's an alternate version of the famous 'Desiderata', the original version is quite beautiful and you can find it here

I like to call this version the Ayn Rand version and mine too. (On a side-note, my version generally represents my path through life--fighting against everything handed me, while the original seems like the approach of my two favorite people, my twin sister and my husband, two people who admirably sort of happily float through life and what it brings them--just my perception guys, we can argue later):

Desiderata Too

23 August 1995

Don't go placidly amid the apathy and lethargy. Remember that your silence is consent and there can be no peace where there is injustice.

You can't please all the people all the time, so shout your truth from the mountain top and don't accept nonsense from the bigoted, the ignorant and the self-serving.

Don't avoid people who are upset. They may have good reasons and your care and interest may make them less aggressive.

Be tolerant of the diversity that makes everyone special and be aware that there are no persons greater or lesser than yourself.

Don't live in the past or future. Enjoy the present.

Don't become obsessed by your own career. It cannot give you security or possession of anything or anyone.

Exercise trust in your dealings but be circumspect, as the world is full of materialists.

Become yourself. Express affection for all people and all species.

Be sceptical about romance for it is as transient as a summer flower.

Don't become tired in your ways and never surrender your sense of wonder. Don't be defensive. Be optimistic and imaginative.

Fatigue and loneliness are born of fear. Be rigorous in accepting responsibility for your actions and their consequences.

You are a child of your less than perfect parents and like the trees and the stars your time will pass. And whether or not it is clear to you, things are not working out nearly as well as they could.

Whatever you conceive God to be, also be aware that every single thing you do actually changes the world. Dreams cannot be broken and they will give you no peace if you don't act with integrity.

Unfortunately, this world is becoming uglier each day.

Be brave.

Strive for the right of all people to make their own paths.

Found in a South Australian kitchen. Copyright 1992 Andrew Bunney.

Walking with the Ghost

Much to my chagrin, Caiden didn't want to be a pretty princess for Halloween (actually, I just like to tease him about how pretty he is). So shortly after hanging our Grim Reaper door decoration he decided that was who he wanted to be. His cousins didn't even recognize him at first, that's how good of a job Tyler did on his makeup.


Also, we've taken a lot of pics of Henry, the hamster, but none look too great. This one though shows his little loft that I'm jealous of--wouldn't it be awesome to have a glass-ceilinged bedroom up above your house?