Moab Foreshadowing

A few nights ago I had a dream about my upcoming half marathon in Moab--I'm running it in mid-October.

In the dream, I was forced to run the race in flip-flops because though I had brought my running shoes, for some reason we had to cross a stream to get to the starting point and I was unable to carry my shoes because this time they didn't have a "sweat bag" pick up to put items in that you carried with you at the waiting area. Somehow no one else had had this problem in my dream though and I remember being frustrated that their shoes weren't wet or that they were smart enough to have figured that part out.

So just two days following my dream, when heading to the rec center for my workout, my shoes were nowhere to be found. I've looked everywhere, but it's most likely that I left them at the rec center on Thursday when I went to workout and afterwards took Bailey and Caiden swimming there. I went home in my flip-flops.

I asked the rec center staff if my shoes had been turned in but they haven't. I guess I'll get a new pair of running shoes out of this, but I sure hope I don't have to run a race in flip-flops.

If any readers are interested, I'm kind of looking for someone to go with me for the car ride to Moab and to watch Bailey for the couples hours I'll be running. I promise a shared hotel room and some hiking in the area afterwards.

Celebrity Dreams

I hear celebrity dreams are common though I've never really had them before. Here are two I had this week.

Weezer playing dream

I dreamt that Ty and I were playing in concert with Weezer the pork and beans song. We were sitting in the stands, waiting for Weezer to take the stage and I was really nervous. I was going to play the guitar. Finally our moment came and we went up and played that song, and like half of another one, then they did one more song, but we just stood backstage, and it was all just the recorded version being played while some animated thing showed on the screen. Then we were done and we went back to our seats and I was saying that I thought we would have played longer, but what cuold I expect when he let us nobodies play with them? And then another band came on.


Christian Bale dream

I was on a crowded open boat deck, like a ferry, but the deck was all old and wooden looking. Tyler was with me and suddenly in the crowd I saw Christian Bale. He was brushing past us and I said "Hey! Christian!" he turned and looked at me, but as I started to walk towards him, he turned the other way, dismissing me as a fan looking for an autograph. But I quickly said, "I just want to ask you something," and he came right back--it was true, I just wanted to ask him something. He came right up to me and I turned and looked at Tyler, then back to Christian and said to him "I'm sorry to bother you, I was just trying to think of the name of that movie that you were in that was kind of a science movie? I think you transported something to a different time? Or I think you transported something to a different dimension, do you know which one I'm talking about? I just couldn't think of the name and then I saw you...." It was driving me nuts that I couldn't think of what movie it was. He kind of looked at me and then got that crooked smile and said "Yeah, I know which one you're talking about...but I can't think of the name of it either!" And then he kind of leaned in and kissed my cheek, like a greeting kiss, so I kissed his and he walked away. It wasn't romantic, it just seemed ordinary. Then a huge storm came in and Tyler and I went to find a safe place to kind of stand on the deck.

For the record, I have no idea what movie that is I was thinking of and I'm not in love with Rivers Cuomo or Christian Bale, though the HB might not object if I was in love with Rivers.

Friday I'm in Love

Last night the HB and I saw The Cure in concert. I won tickets last fall on the radio. I wasn't feeling so hot most of the afternoon and I laid down for a bit when I got home from work. I'm used to going to shows at smaller venues, with smaller crowds, and figured there was no way they'd take the stage before 9 pm even though the show was scheduled to start at 7:30. We showed up about 8 and checked out the overpriced merch and then headed in. The Cure started playing right around 8:30 and played until 11:30! I couldn't believe they played that long but it was awesome to hear tons of my favorites, not just a few. And though I have no idea how much my brothers still listen to the Cure, hearing some of the older Cure hits took me back to when they still lived at home, and it seemed appropriate that just a few days ago I'd gotten the chance to hang out with them and reminisce a little about growing up.

This whole past week has been pretty exhausting though, even though I was having a great time, and I was totally worn out last night after the show. I went to bed around 1:30 and had three crazy dreams I remember before getting up around 11.

Dream 1 was about a camping trip with April and Bill's family. My family and theirs was following each other in the car as we climbed a mountain of slickrock that the road wound around. We pulled over for Tyler and Bill to look at something and as April and I stood outside the cars we noticed a rhinoceros on the slickrocks just above us. We were scared but all of the sudden it fell onto the road right by us and was somewhat debilitated. April and I then pushed it off of the road together onto the slickrock below us.

All I remember of Dream 2 was that my family sent me to check on a tiger that we had trapped in a pit and when I got to the edge I just kept thinking I would jump into the pit so that I could die.

Dream 3 was about my entire immediate family staying at a cabin-type place near a really clean, warm river. Brian was in the water with his girls as they rode tubes along a bend the river made. April came inside and I heard her tell someone that we hadn't been getting along well lately. That seemed really weird to me because we've always been really close and I felt really hurt when I heard her say that. Then she came into the same room as me and we were both changing and I asked her about it and she said that it was true and seemed really mad at me. I started crying. Then I remember offering to take Bowen with me and Caiden to Disneyland for a few rides. I guess we were closeby and I was telling April the night pass was only 5 dollars so it was worth it to just go and let them do a few rides. After that I don't know what happened. It seemed we weren't upset anymore.

the Spell of the Desert

Maybe it's because I'm reading "the Spell of the Sensuous" right now, or because I have a baby inside of me, that I feel even more in touch with the universe and therefore, with myself. It reminds me of reading Geertz, makes me feel more alive, and brings me back to that place where I can evaluate better how I see things. It seems like lately we hear a lot about our impact on nature, but there is still a lack of discussion about nature's impact on us. But having once lived outside of the ordinary, I don't believe you can ever return to life as it was before and be the same. So spending a weekend in the desert was just what I needed to feel rejuvenated and like I"m still myself even when I'm living a pretty ordinary life.

The great thing about this trip was that we hiked a ton! The thing is it feels so good to me to be exhausted, to deserve that warm campfire meal and to crash when I lay down. We estimated our hiking to be about 6 miles on both Friday and Saturday. It wasn't much more than what I usually get in at the gym in the morning, but of course all the climbing over rocks and elevation changes made it feel like quite the workout (not during, but afterwards), but I felt so strong afterwards from doing it, tired, but empowered. And being outside makes all the difference to me, makes me feel so much healthier.

Check out the HB's trip report here. I'm glad we were able to try some new things in the area too, there's nothing like having the whole canyon to yourselves!

Saturday night in the San Rafael Swell I dreamt that I killed a mountain lion. Only a few days earlier in the week last week I'd dreamt that I killed a lion. Pregnancy may just up the ante of crazy dreams, but they're not uncommon for me, especially that time of year that I start spending more time outside. I remember the summer I did my dig down by Escalante, each morning we'd tell our dreams around the water bucket, brushing our teeth. I welcome crazy dreams. In the mountain lion one, it was as if the mountain lion had a jaw like an alligators--only one side can shut so I was straddling the lion, holding the jaw open so it couldn't bite me and finally just cracked it back so far that it killed the animal. I'm not into killing animals or anything so I thought it was pretty interesting. Some info below about what that could mean, and in addition, I happen to be a Leo (born on the last day of that sign) and my baby girl will be one too!

LION/LIONESS - The power of our physical strength, of our temper, of our emotions or sexuality; love that has become anger through jealousy or pain; leadership; ones father or fatherhood, or mother if it is a lioness; an image of the father/mother God; leadership; watchfulness or guardianship; self assertion or boasting because of the power of the lions roar. The story of Androcles and the lion shows how the pain felt by our 'animal' life process, if tended by the conscious personality, brings a loving relationship between conscious and unconscious.

As an astrological sign, the lion is the sign of Leo, a 'Fixed' 'Fire' sign. In the dream of a person born with the sun in Leo, the lion may represent their basic character. It is said to be the heart of the Zodiac. In it all the activities of Aries have been concentrated and given purpose, permanence, passion and a certain nobility. It is the Royal Sign denoting Love, the Ruler of Life. Subjects of this sign are said to be proudly 'faithful' and scorn what is weak, small-minded, or mean. It is the sign of the Sun - the physical and also the Divine Sun. In terms of human evolution the sign of Leo represents rulership of the animal kingdom, to become a dominant creature, expressing the best of the instinctive and natural within human nature. Thus in The Witch and The Wardrobe, the greatest strength and unifying influence is the lion. But there is a step beyond this into independent awareness where one recognises oneself not only as the powerful and creative universal animal life, but as an individual human being as well.

Octopus cliff dream

A group of friends including Tyler and myself are all going camping. We park our cars on the top of a slickrock slope and walk down its steep side to where it flattens out a little to pitch our tents. Just beyond where we're camping, is a cliff that drops into a river. One of the girls in our group walks out to the cliff and jumps into the water, it looked so refreshing, but the current quickly grabs her and whisks her downriver, around the corner, where our view of the water is crowded by tree branches and the surrounding rocks on each side.... And somehow, we know that she's dead.

A while later, I'm exploring the campsite, trying to see as much as I can up-river, and I can just barely make out around the corner of the rock we're on, a sandy beach, and little creatures playfully getting in and out of the water, towels and umbrellas on the beach, etc.

This beach is just inaccessible by a bit of the rock cliff that curves convexly out as it turns the corner to the beach.

It's very dangerous to try to go around this because I could fall into the river that already killed the one girl, but I trust my free-hand climbing skills and edge my way around the rock. I can't quite make it all the way to where I can lower myself onto the beach, but I find something beneath me I can--giant octopus tentacles, like huge tree roots, protruding out of the sand. I get on one and proceed to climb over some remaining tentacles to make it to the "beach." I can now see that the octopus' giant head is sort of holding up that bit of rounded out cliff face while his tentacles are just reaching into the water.

I don't however, go to the beach, I turn to get back and tell my friends about it. As I went to use the octopus' tentacle again to boost myself onto the rock, I noticed some boxes I could use to stack up. But as soon as I would get them stacked to get back onto the rock cliff, the sand would sink and I couldn't reach. That was when I noticed some type of witch in the river who could not touch me but could keep pulling the sand out from under the boxes. But eventually, I got onto the rock face again, clinging with my fingers on a tiny lip. Then the face of the cliff would roll, and suddenly I was way up above my friends at the campsite. As I tried to slide down the steep face, going from tiny ridge to tiny ridge for security, the rock face would keep rolling and I was scared to death that I'd slide all of the way off the cliff and into the fast-moving section of the river that had already taken the life of one of my girlfriends.


I woke up at that point. It was an interesting dream. As is commonly the case, I'm having even more interesting dreams while pregnant. So I've looked up some of the creatures in my recent dreams and here are a few of the ideas, of course there were none for the cute little strange creatures I saw playing on the beach, but here are a few animals who have made appearances:

OCTOPUS emotional entanglement
OCTOPUS emotionally engrossed
OCTOPUS hands everywhere


SNAKE a problem or trap - uncomfortably fast moving situation
SNAKE something you cannot deal with - being drawn into a dispute
SNAKE twisting everything someone says - singling someone out - a complaint
SNAKE a difficult relationship - a bad atmosphere
SNAKE something bad that could strike at any time
SNAKE phallic symbol - sexual intercourse

Panguitch dream

Last night I had a happy dream. Which is actually really rare. It wasn't over the top bubbly or anything like that, just kind of something I was okay with. Not like the dreams I usually have where I wake up crying or upset and Tyler has to ask me if I'm okay and confirm that I had a bad dream. And not disturbing like the one from the other night where a tropical vacation had underlying tones of tragedy, because somehow I knew the river/pool we were in was going to get sucked into the ground.

This dream was about us living in Panguitch. I've never actually visited the city in Utah in the dream, but I can imagine how it originated.

Last night we were watching a show on the Discovery Channel called "Bone Recovery" only when Caiden first told us to come in and check it out (because we'd left the TV on), Tyler and I both thought he said "Boner Covering," which was pretty funny. Caiden seldomly shows any interest in TV so we went to watch some of it with him. Some archaeologists were conducting a dig and it showed one of them analyzing the bone remains to determine cause of death, and also, reasons for the atypical body arrangement in the tomb. Tyler was telling him how I had gone on a dig.

I did my dig in the Grand Staircase Escalante National Monument. I have lots of stories about it, but the Panguitch tie-in is that my "crew" leader who worked for the Office of Public Archaeology had grown up in Panguitch, and it's not that far from Escalante. And he was really funny, would always get on the walkie-talkie and say things to the other "crew" leaders like--"Hey guys, I found a big-ash-stain right here. Looks like an ancient firepit," so he could take the opportunity to almost cuss.

So in the dream, we were living there and Tyler was coaching football at the high school there. And we seemed to like it. That's all there really was to it, just kind of a good feeling.

Amygdala dreams

The HB and I are learning all about our amygdalas in our class together. It's the lower part of your brain that releases the fight or flight impulse when you feel threatened. We're supposed to stop using that part and move up into our higher brains, but it seems that I just don't have one. Is this possible? Maybe my twin robbed me of mine when were in the womb. (give it up April). I'm sure I have one, it's just so hard to use it. I love our class and I'm glad to know that we're trying to make things better for us, but after each session I feel a little crumbled too, because it's so hard to make those changes.

So I think it's kind of funny that my dream last night was just one fight/flight incident after another, though it didn't start out that way. (Am I supposed to be practicing in my dreams?--that would be cool if I could get good at using my higher brain in my dreams).

First I was at Ty's parents house and I was with Alana and Krystal and I was trying to ask Alana about her recent trip to Hollywood. And then the conversation moved into the bathroom (not weird if you're a girl because we all keep talking as we get ready, do our hair, etc.) Krystal was wearing this old-school underwear with like a long skirt and a corset or something and she got in the bathtub with it on. I get the impression we're all talking.

Then I realized I had to take something to my parents house so I run over there (as if) and drop it off to my mom. My sister-in-law Jen is there and we talk. Then I realize I'll now have to walk all the way back to my house because I didn't drive there and it's a long ways, and I want to get there fast because I know Tyler has to be to work by 8:30.

So I'm running and I run by all these little shops (like on Broadway) and then turn to go south and it's some dark alley and some guy starts running after me and grabs me. By now I'm in some kind of field, the alley just behind me. I'm screaming and there are some people coming into the field from the alley, but I'm scared because it's a couple women and I'm afraid he won't be scared enough to let me go. I elbow him in the stomach and then hit him a few times and he falls unconscious. So then I'm kind of lost because it looks like I"m on a mountaintop and I tell another girl that I have to get home as fast as I can and I know I'm kind of close, but not sure. She brings me to the edge of the mountain and shows me where the exit is for 100 south (there isn't one). Then I know so I start down the mountain. It's steep, but nothing I can't do and I'm just getting behind big rocks my whole way down. But then I'm behind a big rock and I hear a noise on the other side and a huge grizzly bear comes around and sees me and I'm scared to death.

Then I heard Tyler's footsteps and realized it was all a dream. I read once that you always have bad dreams when you're stressed out because it helps relieve some of the stress. But I don't feel that relieved afterwards. I've been really tired lately and my head keeps aching. I'm a little nervous about my new job too--excited, but a little nervous.

Wild Nights

Maybe it was watching the news on the shootings at Trolley Square for hours last night. Or maybe it was all the anxiety surrounding my aching LCL. It was hard to sleep because a knee injury or any sport injury is my greatest fear--to not be able to be active. I'm not sure, but I had some crazy dreams last night. My recollections are:

Being in a dorm-room with strangers as if staying at EFY or something. It must have been late in the week because I was tired when everyone else was going to go out. I just told my roommate that I was going to go sit in the hot tub and so I changed into my bathing suit.

Then I remembered that I left the bus running over at the museum/park where I was leading a tour earlier and that I had to pick up the bus because it was probably still driving around by itself. So I put some sweats on over my suit and made April drive her car behind mine over to the museum/park to pick up the bus. She dropped me off and left but then I realized if I got the bus under control and drove it back I'd still have to have her bring me back again to pick up my car.

Then I'm at this park with a building in the center, I guess a museum. And I'm chasing down this bus that's driving itself. But I momentarily lose it so I crawl up a tree that is overhanging a bridge sort of. Then I'm scared because it's dark and I'm alone and I look up in the tree and there's a sleeping bear. Then I look over and on the same branch as me is a sleeping lion. Then I suddenly feel a horse's nose nudge my back and he sticks his face next to mine and I pet him. Then along the bridge comes an older man with a group of kids he's leading. They toss me a rope to get from the tree onto the bridge, but I keep shushing them to not wake up the animals. The horse comes onto the bridge at the same time as me. We all walk away together.

Worst dream in the world last night

How can I forget it? I feel devastated, but know it's not real. I feel weird.