Othello Relaxation

In preparation for labor, I've been listening to a CD my sister-in-law lent me on hypnobirthing. There's a track called "Rainbow Relaxation" that's an exercise in visualization. The woman's voice talks you through each color of the rainbow so you can imagine yourself being wrapped in each color, floating on it, making love to it, whatever. I kind of like it, but it's almost too fluffy for me, like the idea of a heaven that's all clouds and angels, it sounds boring. Does relaxing have to be boring?


So I'm still listening to it, but in my mind I'm going through a theatrical adaptation I once saw of Othello. In high school I attended a drama convention where we got to see a series of plays or short plays done by the other high schools, one of which was this 20-minute adaptation of Othello. They didn't use the Shakespeare script, only the plot, and there was no speaking at all. They didn't really dance, but the entire thing was set to music and props were minimal. They had a black backdrop and in front of it on the floor several paint cans opened, each with a brush on top. Each color of paint represented a different character in the play--White was for Desdemona, Red for Othello, Green for Iago, and so forth. Each character also had a corresponding colored handkerchief they kept in their hands while on stage.

What made this adaptation beautiful was the solemnity of each stroke painted on the plain black backdrop. First we saw Desdemona paint half of a heart with the white, then Othello paint the complementary half in red. Then Iago comes onto the stage and paints a huge green streak right through the heart. And the play proceeds until at the end the backdrop is a mess of brightly painted lines, looking chaotic as paths were intersected, loyalties betrayed, and murders committed. And somehow, the whole thing is beautifully relaxing to me.

Touch Me I'm Going to Scream Pt. 2

My new favorite song, performed by My Morning Jacket on Conan

The Grace I want to Have

I recently finished another Ondaatje book, this one called "Divisadero." It was excellent. I was particularly touched by a certain passage about a parent's perspective. The father accidentally catches a glimpse of his daughter in the garden shower with someone other than her husband.


Cursed with omnipotence, he had seen the blunt truth of their romance. The girl he had carried in his arms during a childhood nightmare now had the needs of an adult.....There were nights when Lucien startled himself awake at his daughter’s wildness. How had she, the one daughter he had known as obedient and well mannered evolved into such a person? Was it simply that Pierre was the man she demanded above every other principle? There was this live coal of desire on her tongue that had altered her, so that she could no longer be sheltered by the husk of a family. And he realized he loved even more this proud indelible daughter, his Flammarion companion, who had leapt beyond him into the life of this dangerous stranger, a man he was unable to like except through the knowledge that Lucette had placed herself in the cup of his hand, just as she had bent over and moved back into his body, defenceless with pleasure in the garden shower.


I thought it was beautiful how the father was able to let go of any need to control his daughter and instead marvel at the woman she had become independent of him. There are a lot of things I want to emulate as a parent and a lot of ideals I have about the relationship I want with my children, but the one I want most is for them to feel loved rather than feel that rigid adherence to certain codes are more important than showing love. And I hope that I can admire their evolution into themselves as much as it might be different than I'd hoped it to be.

Celebrity Dreams

I hear celebrity dreams are common though I've never really had them before. Here are two I had this week.

Weezer playing dream

I dreamt that Ty and I were playing in concert with Weezer the pork and beans song. We were sitting in the stands, waiting for Weezer to take the stage and I was really nervous. I was going to play the guitar. Finally our moment came and we went up and played that song, and like half of another one, then they did one more song, but we just stood backstage, and it was all just the recorded version being played while some animated thing showed on the screen. Then we were done and we went back to our seats and I was saying that I thought we would have played longer, but what cuold I expect when he let us nobodies play with them? And then another band came on.


Christian Bale dream

I was on a crowded open boat deck, like a ferry, but the deck was all old and wooden looking. Tyler was with me and suddenly in the crowd I saw Christian Bale. He was brushing past us and I said "Hey! Christian!" he turned and looked at me, but as I started to walk towards him, he turned the other way, dismissing me as a fan looking for an autograph. But I quickly said, "I just want to ask you something," and he came right back--it was true, I just wanted to ask him something. He came right up to me and I turned and looked at Tyler, then back to Christian and said to him "I'm sorry to bother you, I was just trying to think of the name of that movie that you were in that was kind of a science movie? I think you transported something to a different time? Or I think you transported something to a different dimension, do you know which one I'm talking about? I just couldn't think of the name and then I saw you...." It was driving me nuts that I couldn't think of what movie it was. He kind of looked at me and then got that crooked smile and said "Yeah, I know which one you're talking about...but I can't think of the name of it either!" And then he kind of leaned in and kissed my cheek, like a greeting kiss, so I kissed his and he walked away. It wasn't romantic, it just seemed ordinary. Then a huge storm came in and Tyler and I went to find a safe place to kind of stand on the deck.

For the record, I have no idea what movie that is I was thinking of and I'm not in love with Rivers Cuomo or Christian Bale, though the HB might not object if I was in love with Rivers.

Oil paintings and Watercolors

The HB and I went for a little hike recently to a place called "the living room." It was a fairly short hike behind the U of U campus right above the Salt Lake Valley where people have made a "living room" out of stones overlooking the valley. There were a number of chairs, some benches, and some ottomans as well.

It was a bit overcast which killed the possibility of evening out my tan, but made for perfect hiking conditions. As we got up above the valley and were able to look down on it I remarked that what was all around us was like an oil painting because the clouds made the colors so rich and that out over the valley was more like a watercolor because it was washed out and a little hazy as we looked west. I much prefer oil paintings to watercolors, though sometimes I love the subtlety and fluidity of watercolors, like some of Vettriano's work.

My preference for the oil paintings is how I see my life overall--I like vivid, raw, honest experiences, nothing measured, nothing held back. When I was in Israel and spent a lot of time studying the Bible I found I had a clear favoritism for the Old Testament for the same reasons. The Old Testament is far more colorful and vibrant than the New Testament, just as the city of Jerusalem is surrounded by much more passion than the city of Nazareth in the Galilee area to the north. I loved the 2 weeks I spent on the Sea of Galilee, they were peaceful, beautiful, relaxing and enlightening, but the dirty Old City of Jerusalem, practically pungent with blood, spices, sweat, smoke, etc. made me feel much more alive.

I get frustrated with life when I feel I'm living a less than passionate life. When the monotony of work and everything takes over and nothing gets me worked up, inspired, or fulfills me. I feel guilty saying that because I actually get out a ton, and I constantly push for more and more experiences. I'm just glad that some very patient people love me.