I recently finished another Ondaatje book, this one called "Divisadero." It was excellent. I was particularly touched by a certain passage about a parent's perspective. The father accidentally catches a glimpse of his daughter in the garden shower with someone other than her husband.
Cursed with omnipotence, he had seen the blunt truth of their romance. The girl he had carried in his arms during a childhood nightmare now had the needs of an adult.....There were nights when Lucien startled himself awake at his daughter’s wildness. How had she, the one daughter he had known as obedient and well mannered evolved into such a person? Was it simply that Pierre was the man she demanded above every other principle? There was this live coal of desire on her tongue that had altered her, so that she could no longer be sheltered by the husk of a family. And he realized he loved even more this proud indelible daughter, his Flammarion companion, who had leapt beyond him into the life of this dangerous stranger, a man he was unable to like except through the knowledge that Lucette had placed herself in the cup of his hand, just as she had bent over and moved back into his body, defenceless with pleasure in the garden shower.
I thought it was beautiful how the father was able to let go of any need to control his daughter and instead marvel at the woman she had become independent of him. There are a lot of things I want to emulate as a parent and a lot of ideals I have about the relationship I want with my children, but the one I want most is for them to feel loved rather than feel that rigid adherence to certain codes are more important than showing love. And I hope that I can admire their evolution into themselves as much as it might be different than I'd hoped it to be.
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2 comments:
"Never forget that these little ones are the sons & daughters of God & that yours is a custodial relationship to them. That He was a parent before you were a parent. That He has not relinquished His parental rights or interest in these little ones. Take care of them, welcome them into your homes & nurture & love them with all your heart"GBH Many times as parents we will forget the council from our Prophets. That is when we should humble ourselves reestablish our priorities and remember what really is important in our lives, & why we were born in this dispensation. You and Ty are wonderful parents. We love you.
I understand what you mean though. It's not that you're proud of your child for the choice they made, but more that they're a full-blown adult with their own needs, separate of yours.
You can't take this writing in a literal sense.
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