Yes I cry a lot, but this is not about me. This is about Bailey. Who is a very happy baby, who never fusses unless she's tired or hungry. Except at night. At night she is much more temperamental. In fact, more temperamental than any other baby her age that I've heard of. I'm talking 4 to 6 awakenings at night.
Bailey is not a good sleeper and never has been. And for the last 4 weeks I've been trying to change that, to help her learn how to soothe herself to sleep so that her frequent night awakenings don't require my assistance to go back to sleep. Sure she does still need to eat at least once in the night, but the story seems to be that she's waking up for attention also, as evident by wakings just after feedings.
Encouraged by her doctor at her 4 month visit, I began testing the waters of letting her cry a bit. With more and more people telling me of their good experiences with BabyWise or the Weissbluth book on sleep, I felt further encouraged to get Bailey started on a good sleep schedule. Most of the literature says to give it a good 2 weeks.
Over the last 4 weeks I've seen some improvements in her sleep, less awakenings at night and longer sleep periods. But I've also experienced nights where I listened to her cry for 90 minutes, and got up nearly every 30 minutes to help soothe her back to sleep. At first I was "visiting" her in her crib, as recommended by her doctor and others. These visits would be to calm her down and then leave again so she can put herself to sleep. However, it took several minutes to calm her down and although I wouldn't pick her up, she began expecting me to stay there, hand on her cheek, bent over the crib railing.
If the visits didn't prove effective, I'd pick her up and rock her or feed her back to sleep after 1 hour of crying. My doctor didn't believe that Bailey could cry for a full hour. Well she cried that long so many times that I think she learned a tolerance for an hour of crying. Now I'm not one to enjoy listening to my baby cry when I'm steps away and can get her back to sleep in minutes with a certain body part. But I was warned that if I did, she would learn to wake up for that even if she didn't need it.
So I'm still working on the sleep training as they call it. I have every right to have given up after 2 weeks, and believe me I've told myself I would many mornings, but I don't want to have wasted those tears of hers and mine, and each night I see an improvement in one area and maybe a drawback in another. She may sleep a rare 6 hours before her first awakening but then be up several times after that. Or she may cry for 90 minutes on her first awakening only to wake 2 hours later to be fed, but then go an uninterrupted 3.5 hours in the early am which is unheard of.
I keep doing it because overall, there have been minor improvements for the cost of those tears. And because each day I tell myself I'll just try one more night and then I re-read the passage pertaining to what I need and tell myself I've just got to keep doing it.
And nothing sucks more than this.
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5 comments:
Oh boy, do I know what you're talking about. No REALLY! We used Babywise techniques for our Ella, our first. Within 2 weeks she was sleeping through the night and has been since. (she's now 6). We thought we had it all figured out and we were amazing until we had Sawyer......oh dear. I could go into depth, but I'll spare you.. We tried EVERYTHING for extended periods of time. His first full night sleep (and ours) was when he was 12 months old. I grew older that year than any year of my life. He was his own guy, and had his own way of doing things. We were the ones that had to accept his patterns and not the other way around. Good luck Alene! She'll do better when she starts walking. :) Also, it's ok for both of you to cry. Lack of sleep does that eventually to everyone. lol
I really feel for you! Charlie was the same way. He only started sleeping better once he was eating more solid foods and I started supplementing formula when I went back to work. He also had a bit of reflux, so I eventually let him start sleeping on his stomach and that did wonders.
Although, I know every baby is different and you just have to experiment to see what works for yours.
I've had bad PPD after both babies and I really think a lot of it has to do with the lack of good sleep.
Good luck! Give me a call if you ever want a babysitter so you can take a good nap =).
I did CIO with two of my boys (influenced by Babywise) and avoided crying to sleep train with the next two. For our family, CIO just wasn't worth it. While it is a moot point for our family now (the kids are all great sleepers and are well past infancy!), the research I've seen in the past several years would lead me away from crying to help develop good sleep habits.
For example:
http://www.infantsleep.org/cryingitoutresearch.html
Alene, you hit the nail on the head by saying that nothing sucks more that this. You are right. It is an internal struggle. Follow your heart and your gut because nobody(no author, baby expert, friend, neighbor, etc)knows your baby like you do. And remember that to put this in perspective..by the time she goes to college, she will again be up all night and she wont become a serial killer based on any path you take. So just do what feels right.
Alene - you are such a wonderful mom! I can see you crying on one side of the door and Bailey crying on the other side. I agree with Kelly. And just keep praying and it will work out. Have you started her on cereal yet? Amber has had it twice. She enjoyed it.
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