Nihon Matsuri

Having sold our house and not quite closed on the new one, we're currently experiencing a state of homelessness at the "In Towne Suites", which might be more aptly named, In Towne Slums. They wouldn't be so bad if the other tenants didn't creep me out, the room didn't smell bad, the floors and walls weren't so dirty, and if it was a little roomier, but for a week, it was a good deal. We've been so busy that for the most part, Caiden's baseball games, errands around town, and the like have been keeping us away except for at night. But last night the HB headed to Wendover for a 2-day coaching clinic, (and all of the makings from our home sale in the bank--luckily, he's not a gambler) so Caiden and I have been doing our best to avoid being at the slum too much, not too hard, given that we have nothing whatsoever to do there.

Luckily, today was the Nihon Matsuri downtown--the Japanese festival. I love festivals because they're an excuse to get your face painted, eat greasy food, and be outside. This one I was especially excited to see what they would have. We watched some Kendo performers, and then checked out all of the tents for a sword for Caiden. I scoped out the food, but much to my chagrin, they didn't have any takoyaki (fried balls of octopus meat with sauce on top--sounds gross, but like eating a "viking" at the state fair). Despite Salt Lake City's variety of asian and Japanese food restaurants, takoyaki remains completely unseen. I could have found a picture of actual takoyaki, but the one below was way too good.

After getting the sword and things, we took off because our parking was going to expire and I didn't have any more cash. The HB will be back soon and we'll take off for a round of getting ready for the camping trip we'll take next weekend and whatever else we can get done outside of the hotel.

Baby Goats

After moving all day on Saturday we had a few things left to go to storage. So the HB and I went up to my parents so we could borrow their trailer and we got a bonus on our visit.

One of their goats had just had her babies and there is really nothing more adorable. It was really windy so I could feel the goat I was holding shivering and it made me so sad. Their little voices are so adorable too that I kept asking the HB if he was positive we wouldn't have room in our new yard?

Tradeshows Round2

This last tradeshow I attended was held in Roswell, New Mexico and was the last one I have to attend due to some office changes. Much relieved, I felt able to sort of sail through this one, and having already sort of become the expert at setting up our equipment and displaying the laptop screen on the projector screen while maintaining the webpage open on the laptop, I felt on top of my game. Sounds like an easy task, but being able to do this and knowing my co-workers expect me to, makes me feel like more than just a pretty face at the booth : ) This time a professor from the University of Utah came with us as she would be a keynote speaker with my co-worker during the conference. She was a lot of fun, and kept making jokes about how my baby girl is going to come out running because I'm so intent on working out in the mornings.

It was quick and I didn't spend much time enjoying New Mexico, though I have in mind to someday see all of the Anasazi sites there. In the airport on my way home I bought this little baby bracelet because they were just too adorable to resist.

Ten years

Ten years ago today I gave birth to a baby boy. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced, like a dream, but more truthful than any part of my life. I was able to give birth naturally and that gave me a sense of empowerment for everything I'd be moving forward with in life.

You see, I was 17 when I got pregnant. I'd known the father for a mere 5 weeks. I thought I was in love. He proposed to me, gave me a ring. I wanted to marry him, but somehow I knew that I never would. So I moved away, in with some old family friends I hadn't seen in 15 years.

I wanted my baby to have the best life possible.

I decided to place my baby for adoption. I read copious amounts of information about adoption. I read about adoption for infants, as children, from foster care, international adoption, interracial adoption, etc. I read a book about a birth mother and an adoptive mother, alternating chapters, each telling their painful story. I read about the role of each parent in a child's development. And eventually, I contacted LDS Social Services.

As my due date began approaching I received profiles of couples from my LDS social services counselor. It was easy for me to choose the couple I would place my baby with. I hardly noticed their biographical information, but was emotionally impressed by the letter they had written to the prospective birth mother of their child--it was so full of love, for me and for my baby.

I gave birth. I felt so whole, so pure, and so full of love. I held my baby as much as I could during that time spent in the hospital. He hardly slept but I didn't feel tired. I named him William Cade and called him Cade as his adoptive parents would do. I loved it when he looked at me, when he heard my voice. He was very big for a baby but seemed so small and precious to me. The time I spent with him feels like a hazy dream to me. I must have been in heaven the whole time.

I put him in the arms of my LDS Social services counselor 3 days after giving birth. I burst into tears as soon as the door closed.

I waited for the father to agree to sign adoption papers. Cade would stay with a foster-care family until the papers were signed and he could go to his adoptive family. But after 3 weeks I became worried and scared. I loved him intensely, and wanted the best for him. If adoption wouldn't work out, I wanted to be with him immediately. I picked him up from foster care and took him to stay with me again. This time I was incredibly emotional, terrified that I'd screwed up the beginning of what would be my life as a mother. And then, five days later the father agreed to sign adoption papers.

I met with the adoptive parents, said good-bye to my baby and drove back to my hometown. I wasn't sure what my plans were, but that I felt finished with something heartbreaking, even though it would never leave me.

Since giving my baby up for adoption I've tried to make the most of my decision. I've had an intense drive to make all of the pain worth it by achieving and experiencing all I can in life. I owe it to my baby to make something of myself for him to be proud of. I owe it to myself to forget all the misery and have some happiness.

Now, ten years later, I'm experiencing this miracle again. Sharing this story is the only way I know how to celebrate his birthday, but it seems like a good way.

Happy Birthday to my HB

31 new things to love about him

1. he's better at snorkeling than me
2. he can body-board
3. he took me to Horseshoe canyon when I needed to get out in February
4. he kisses my belly and talks to our baby girl inside
5. he listens to me deliberate over and over about my hair
6. he actually read some of the Kelsey books on the San Rafael Swell (I'm not sure they're in English sometimes)
7. he got our house on the market doing most of the fix-ups himself
8. sometimes he brings me donuts and milk in the morning at my office
9. he doesn't worry about me getting fat when he witnesses me finish an entire Cafe Rio meal
10. he gives me credit for schooling him on the Rolling Stones
11. he's still interested in my stories and in hearing more about me
12. he always gives me a half wave and smile when he sees me in the stands at the football game he's coaching
13. he was down with getting a platform bed too
14. he lets me get away for some hard-core hiking sometimes
15. he organizes everything--sounds lame, but it totally helps me
16. he rocks the drums and the guitar on Rock Band, but tells me I'm good too
17. he lets me wear his T-shirts
18. he knows the way to everywhere
19. he shares a love for Escalante with me
20. when I freaked out after seeing "I Am Legend" he went to Walmart with me for curtains
21. when I fainted on my shift at Sundance, he brought me lunch and stayed with me until I was okay
22. he knows how to use a fire hose
23. he lets me help him with his homework sometimes so I can feel smart again
24. he never turns down a chance to barbeque something for me
25. he misses me when I'm gone
26. he doesn't tease me about the beauty magazines I sometimes read or for sometimes watching America's Next Top Model
27. he lets me bite his ear
28. he belts out "happiness is a warm gun" with feeling
29. his Samurai voice is hilarious
30. he gets better looking every year
31. he gets sweeter every year

Tradeshows Round1

Last Wednesday morning began a series of tourism conferences I'll be attending over the next 2 months. The first show was a very small one in Anaheim and I liked the intimacy of really getting to know the other attendees. I hardly got to enjoy the outdoors, but here is evidence that I was in fact, in southern California, as seen by the lush greenery and flowers. One of the nights a group of us went to the House of Blues with some of our clients. When my co-worker had first told me that most of the CVB (Convention & Visitors Bureau) employees were middle-aged women, I narrow-mindedly didn't imagine a healthy nightlife. But while everyone sat with their wine glasses and me with my milkshake ("I'm off the sauce" I would say) the woman next to me told of how she dumped her boyfriend in college because when she arranged for them go to skydiving with some friends he was the only one that couldn't do it, he started crying in the plane. This story was followed by several other stories that could have kept me entertained for hours.

The next night we flew to Portland, arrived super-late, and after a huge room-change fiasco, went to bed. I got placed in a suite because the room they put my co-worker and I in had just one bed so we got a free upgrade. It had huge windows that wrapped around 2 sides of the bedroom and looked out on the Columbia river. I slept in, had breakfast, returned and took a bath, walked to the nearby "super center" and hung out at Barnes and Noble. That night I met up with some old friends of mine that I used to live with in Longview, Washington. They took me out and we discussed their grandson who is in rehab, their other grandkids, travel, my family, and life in general.

It was nice to have a day to relax between conferences, but made me miss the HB even more. I had some weird dreams while there too, maybe because of the new environment. One night I dreamt I was being shot at and finally sat up in bed gasping when one of the bullets nicked my neck. The next night I dreamt that I had taken some photos while hiking and as I looked at the photos, I realized I had hiked along the trail right past a white tiger without even seeing him before--I had taken a picture of the tree and he was laying right next to it, his head and front part of his body totally exposed. I couldn't believe I hadn't seen him. Those were the two dreams I remember.

On the flights over, I'd read a book called "The Delivery Man" about a guy who drives Las Vegas prostitutes to their appointments. After that I felt like staying in a suite should involve a large amount of alcohol and drugs, but instead, Sunday night of the tradeshow I relaxed and watched a movie.

The next day in Portland, the conference put on a Dine-Around for dinner and I went with my co-workers and a large group to Henry's Tavern--home to over 200 brews of Weinhardt's beer. I had the Root Beer of course. We were joined by a local who worked with Washington County CVB just outside of Portland and had a good time exchanging crazy travel and work abroad stories.

Also got to see Portland's local School of Rock band play some tunes at the before-dinner reception. I was really impressed with one of the young guitarists, as I was when I saw Salt lake City's School of Rock band play a couple of years ago. It was too bad most people were taking advantage of that time to change before dinner because they were really fun to watch. This kid totally rocked.


And finally, last night I was very very happy to be home.

Amazon who wore a blazer and walked like a policeman.

The below email came to me today preceded by a link to a special website which I declined to visit:


Lay the cheeks on it, and a few whole cloves, abe interrupted.
i heard enough from you already. Was out she relapsed into
her bad ways. She could i shall leave unspoken all except
so much as piety face? He was absolutely bowled over, wasn't
he? Amazon who wore a blazer and walked like a policeman.
is evidence. K yes, i thought, we all wanted evidence turns.
some make more fuss than others. Mr. Entwhistle hundred
years and, notwithstanding that their of the method by which
the east india company still be in his surgery. It was only
a couple to say about one the ladies came down, and they
perception and appreciation of all the infinity whether
she was dead or alive. Of course he made for safety. Among
the fugitives were lippy and.

I'm the Disney hypocrite

Disneyland is totally overrated. For the amount of money my family could spend one day there, we could spend a week in a place much more desirable to me. I have no desire to feed the disgusting machine that is Disneyland, to pay outrageous prices, to wait in long lines, to ride rides that aren't even that exciting, to see characters from movies I haven't watched in years. But I'll be going there tonight actually, staying at Disney's Paradise Pier Hotel for a tourism conference. And I just know that I'll enjoy that pool on the roof where they said you can see Disneyland fireworks from and I just know I'll buy some Disney princess outfit for my baby girl yet to come. And I'll feel horribly guilty because Caiden would love to go to Disneyland again and I'll be right there. So I'm confessing. And also I'm admitting that we will probably in fact go there as a family one day.