Naked Ladies

Naked ladies is a nickname for the flower Amaryllis, one of my favorites. I have my mother to thank for introducing them to me. I remember many holiday seasons where the flower was purchased just after Thanksgiving in time to bloom for Christmas or the New Year. Since being on my own I think I've still purchased an amaryllis every year to enjoy. I love them for being so fantastically beautiful, and because it all happens so fast. When the bud bursts open I feel kind of a happiness inside and hope for the future. I'm not sure why, I love other flowers too, but they don't quite affect me in the same way.

This year's is a "clown" amaryllis because it is red and white. Maybe 2009 will be better than 2008, or maybe this night Bailey will sleep better than last, I'll take either.

When I lived in Longview, Washington, I went to see the LDS temple in Portland, which I think blows most others out of the water for its unique shape and beauty. Also, because Portland is so rainy they have an atrium just within the doors, in the waiting area for pictures just in case the weather is not accommodating new brides and grooms. I sat in this atrium once while my mom was doing some temple work and an older gentleman who worked there came to chat with me. He told me the amaryllises were imported from South Africa, where they are native to. I was impressed because I've never seen a group of them together and it was really spectacular. I don't have a photo, but I vow to take one if I visit that temple again.

Bailey blue eyes

Though I can't speak with 100% surety, I'm now pretty sure that Bailey's eyes are going to be blue. I love to dress her in blue to show them off even more. They are so beautiful! Why don't they make more blue little girl clothes?

It must have been a good Christmas

Apparently Bailey enjoyed Christmas so much that she has learned to make fun squealing noises. I'm hoping she'll be asleep when we ring in the New Year, but she's practicing her squeals anyway.

Books read in 2008

A Widow for One Year--John Irving
The Fountainhead--Ayn Rand
The Delivery Man--Joe McGinniss
Factotum--Charles Bukowski
Divisadero--Michael Ondaatje
One day in the life of Ivan Denisovich--Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
Saving Fish from Drowning--Amy Tan
A Planet Called Treason--Orson Scott Card
The Rum Dairy--Hunter S. Thompson
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas--Hunter S. Thompson
Beautiful Losers--Leonard Cohen
Mayflower--Nathaniel Philbrook
Screamfree Parenting--Hal Runkel
Hypnobirthing--Marie Mongan
Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn--Nancy Simkin
The Colony--John Tayman
Joseph Smith, Rough Stone Rolling--Richard Bushman
The Wilderness Journals of Everett Ruess

Erran Baron Cohen

This morning on my way to the gym I heard a part of the NPR interview of Erran Baron Cohen. He is Sacha Baron Cohen's brother and a musician. He recently made an album called "Songs in the Key of Hanukkah" and the discussion focused on that. He talked about the need for updated Hanukkah music and of his experience with the New York City rapper Y-love, who recently became an Orthodox Jew and can rap in English, Yiddish, and Aramaic. My favorite part was when he talked about dressing up like Hassidic Jews with his brother and the song about sweating that they would sing as they took off layers of clothing. It was an entertaining story and I was tempted to stay in the car and listen, but I finished it at home, turns out I only missed a few minutes because it's just 10 minutes long.

While I think that the copious amounts of Christmas music there is and of Christmas albums marking the end of dwindling music careers, is a bit ridiculous, I happen to actually like a lot of it. But the idea of a new Hanukkah album really intrigued me and I checked it out. I guess listening to more global music makes me feel more part of the world. In any case, I really liked it and found it worth passing on to my readers.

Serious about sledding

Bailey: "Should I hold really still?"

Caiden: "This is AWESOME!"

Bailey: "What did we just do Mom?"

Bailey: "I'm not sure yet if that was fun, but I'm glad you're holding me now."

Bailey is a tease

If you haven't seen these pictures yet, I'm posting them now because I just love them so much!

"Alene usually eats 5"

H.'s grandchildren were all at the funeral and most of them I hadn't seen for 10 years. The oldest son, A., recently came home from rehab in eastern Washington. I know he's having a hard time of it all while also trying to be strong for his single mom and for his grandma. I reminded him of some funny things he used to say and what a smart alec he was. He was 10 or 11 when I lived there. One time A. had spent the night at B. and H.'s and he and grandpa had picked up some donuts in the morning. When I woke up late and came out to the kitchen A. told me they'd gotten those donuts and he had picked one out just for me. It was a round donut with pink frosting and covered in sprinkles. A few minutes later B. came out and asked A. if she could have a donut too, to which he replied that there may not be enough because "Alene usually eats 5." Despite my penchant for donuts, I'm not sure that I've ever eaten 5 at one time in my life so I was as surprised as anyone else when he said that. I think of all those kids very fondly and though they hardly know me or remember me, there will always be a huge place in my heart for them.

The funeral was really beautiful. I've never wanted so badly to be able to give someone one last hug and not be able to, so I can't stop thinking of how much H.'s family must be hurting. At the cemetery it was very cold and rainy. We crowded as close together as we could. There was a gun salute for H.'s service in the Navy and they played Taps. I lost it again when they folded up the flag and gave it to B., thanking her for her husband's service, it was so beautiful.

I was grateful I could show my love and support to the family. Thank you to my Mom and Dad for flying me out there on their frequent flier miles and all the help with Bailey! I called them my Sherpas all weekend because they kept carrying all of my stuff for me. They also gave me a quick chance to see my brother's family in Kennewick, only a few hours away, and their children, including Bailey's new cousin Amber. Bailey was an absolute angel on the trip, sleeping through most of our flights and giving everyone lots of coos and smiles. I am so lucky to have such a sweet and happy baby!

2008 in Review

But it did happen

All of it happened. Eleven days ago H. walked himself into the hospital and yesterday he died. It was a complete shock to all of us and though I promised I wouldn't cry when talking to his daughter, the moment I opened my mouth I did. H. had 2 children, a daughter and a son who died in his early 20's. H. and B. moved to Washington to live close to their daughter who now has 5 children. He is the world to them as he was to his wife and daughter. I can't think of them without crying.

I knew them first when I was little. My twin sister and I used to visit their house just down the street and see their baby pigs. H. also reminded me that we used to sit on their laps in church and beg him to draw pictures for us, saying "make me a kitty-cat" and he would put his fist in front of our face and then open it up like performing a spell and say "Poof! You're a kitty-cat." Later he told me how he and B. would always quote something one of us once said: "I'm not talking to you again until next time."

The next time was several years later. My family had moved to Montana and they'd made a couple moves. My parents got in touch with them just months before all of this.

Here they are at my wedding reception in 2005. Fortunately I've gotten to visit them twice since then, the last time just last April. I was in Portland for a tradeshow and they were able to come down and see me. I am SO thankful for that visit!

I'll be heading up to the funeral this weekend.

Barbarian Invasion

"Les Invasions Barbares" is a Canadian film that I saw a few years ago. It quickly ranked within my top 10 favorite movies. It is the story of a man dying of cancer. His doctor has given him a limited amount of time to live and he gathers around him his loved ones and family. It is a simple plot and a simple movie. It is not visually stunning like my other favorite "Great Expectations." It is not overwhelmingly discouraging and comforting all at once like "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" or heroic like "The Last Samurai" or "Alive" nor refreshingly troubling like "The Mosquito Coast."

In fact, it is sometimes surprising to me that I like this movie so much, but I do. The old man's son is among the group gathering for his death and preparing for it. He is not close to his father, probably because he resents his father for straying from his mother. Also among the group is a fellow college professor, the ex-wife of main character, and 2 of his former lovers. Most of the movie is spent with the characters reminiscing over their pasts and their love of life. Some of the movie deals with the use of heroine for pain. I just love the way they talk of the passions they've shared, the theories they supported or thwarted, the way they viewed love and relationships and how they evolved for each of them.

As I write this portion I'm tearing up because I will soon be visiting a dear friend who is at this time experiencing his own barbarian invasion. He is probably the best person I've ever met in my whole life. H and his wife have been married for 49 years. He built their current home and then built another one onto it for their daughter and her 5 children.

H and his wife took me in when I was 18 and pregnant. I lived with them when I gave up my baby boy for adoption 10 years ago. I remember many times that H stopped and helped someone on their way. I remember him always volunteering at his grandchildrens school. I remember his stories of the military and of moving his family across the nation. I remember his stories of religious conversion. I remember stories of pain. I remember love and concern expressed and oil changed and windshields scraped. I remember sometimes having to shout to be heard and sometimes impatiently hoping he would drive faster. Above all, I am not sure I ever felt more loved in my life than I did then and I owe them everything I am for that.

Tonight my mom called and told me that H's doctor gave him 2 more weeks to live. He has a golf-ball sized tumor in his brain that very little can be done about. I don't know yet what I'll do, but I know I would love for him to see my baby Bailey. I know I would love for him to know how much he means to me.