I just love the way it feels on my chin!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
SFF 09 Part 2
Sundance is over and I hardly felt part of it this year. Usually by day 8 or 9 of the festival I'm ready for it to be over because I'm so exhausted from all of the late nights and early mornings at my regular job. But this time I was ready for it to be over because I'm still lacking sleep each night getting up with Bailey and honestly, though I'd like some more "me" time, I wasn't that into it.
So I worked my shift and tried to be as helpful as possible. I saw a friend from my old work in the waitlist line for a popular zombie nazi movie and was happy to see that she got in. Then I watched while a bunch of volunteers got photos with Benjamin Bratt who was there as part of the cast for "La Mission." I heard that the movie was really good and it seemed that he was pretty friendly considering the amount of photos he was willing to be in and his good-natured smile.
When Tyler updated me on how Bailey went down for bed though I really longed to be home and started thinking about how much I'd love to leave early, just like all of the other volunteers that have driven me crazy as a manager in previous years. I didn't ask, and I didn't get off early because it was the last night for festival showings at the Broadway and we had to break down and inventory all of the equipment.
Still, I was happy to be a small part of the festival, and next year I'll look forward to seeing festival movies again. I did run into "the dude we see everywhere" again this year, he happened to be working at the Broadway on one of my shifts too, so I assured him that though I don't know him, my husband and I feel like we're his friends since we see him everywhere, and he was happy to hear that. : )
Also, Tyler and I did bring Bailey over to the Rose Wagner theater to show her off to the people I've worked with the last couple of years at the festival. Though I typically only see these people once a year, it was fun to say hi and get a quick update on their lives. Bailey was a doll for them of course.
So I worked my shift and tried to be as helpful as possible. I saw a friend from my old work in the waitlist line for a popular zombie nazi movie and was happy to see that she got in. Then I watched while a bunch of volunteers got photos with Benjamin Bratt who was there as part of the cast for "La Mission." I heard that the movie was really good and it seemed that he was pretty friendly considering the amount of photos he was willing to be in and his good-natured smile.
When Tyler updated me on how Bailey went down for bed though I really longed to be home and started thinking about how much I'd love to leave early, just like all of the other volunteers that have driven me crazy as a manager in previous years. I didn't ask, and I didn't get off early because it was the last night for festival showings at the Broadway and we had to break down and inventory all of the equipment.
Still, I was happy to be a small part of the festival, and next year I'll look forward to seeing festival movies again. I did run into "the dude we see everywhere" again this year, he happened to be working at the Broadway on one of my shifts too, so I assured him that though I don't know him, my husband and I feel like we're his friends since we see him everywhere, and he was happy to hear that. : )
Also, Tyler and I did bring Bailey over to the Rose Wagner theater to show her off to the people I've worked with the last couple of years at the festival. Though I typically only see these people once a year, it was fun to say hi and get a quick update on their lives. Bailey was a doll for them of course.
Friday, January 23, 2009
SFF 09 Part 1
In keeping with tradition, I feel compelled to write something about the Sundance film festival this year. However, this year is different in that I am only working a few shifts, primarily to maintain my alumni status as a volunteer so that I can work at my preferred venue in the future.
I'm also not seeing any movies. This is because with my part-time job shifts and Sundance shifts, I don't want to be away from Bailey any more than that. It's been hard to not let myself get too excited, but in the whole scheme of things, one year of missing movies won't kill me. It's always fun to just be a part of it and I usually only see a small portion of the over 100 films showing in those 10 days anyway.
So last weekend were my first two shifts. I was back at the Broadway instead of the Rose Wagner and I enjoyed the faster pace of it there. The managers brought to our attention that it's the one of two theaters at Sundance that has 3 screens running movies so it definitely has some of the most traffic. And I like that about it.
The first night the only thing of note to me was the Shorts program. A lot of cast and crew came for several of the shorts selected. One of them featured a young girl, my guess was that she was about 10 or 11 years old. She sat out of the theater waiting for the show to finish to back in for the Q & A afterwards. What impressed me about her was that she was sitting in the lobby reading the book "The Shack," something that's been on my reading list a few months now and seemed heavy content for a young girl. She was sitting out on the movie because the other shorts in the collection were more of the R-rated type while hers was suitable for most audiences. I watched her walk in when the show was finished and she carried herself so well, I immediately thought she must be a very bright little girl.
The second night I worked until almost 2 am. The midnight movie had already gained a lot of popularity despite only being shown once before so far at the festival. Then we got word that a very VIP person was coming to the screening. Security kept calling to notify us of how far away they were and to make the request that the theater be seated already so that they could sit in the back to be there for the Q & A afterwards. So after seating them, we calmly waited and then in walked Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon with a large entourage. I'm not a big fan of hers, but it was definitely fun to see her.
I just have one more shift to work this weekend and it will be over again until next year.
I'm also not seeing any movies. This is because with my part-time job shifts and Sundance shifts, I don't want to be away from Bailey any more than that. It's been hard to not let myself get too excited, but in the whole scheme of things, one year of missing movies won't kill me. It's always fun to just be a part of it and I usually only see a small portion of the over 100 films showing in those 10 days anyway.
So last weekend were my first two shifts. I was back at the Broadway instead of the Rose Wagner and I enjoyed the faster pace of it there. The managers brought to our attention that it's the one of two theaters at Sundance that has 3 screens running movies so it definitely has some of the most traffic. And I like that about it.
The first night the only thing of note to me was the Shorts program. A lot of cast and crew came for several of the shorts selected. One of them featured a young girl, my guess was that she was about 10 or 11 years old. She sat out of the theater waiting for the show to finish to back in for the Q & A afterwards. What impressed me about her was that she was sitting in the lobby reading the book "The Shack," something that's been on my reading list a few months now and seemed heavy content for a young girl. She was sitting out on the movie because the other shorts in the collection were more of the R-rated type while hers was suitable for most audiences. I watched her walk in when the show was finished and she carried herself so well, I immediately thought she must be a very bright little girl.
The second night I worked until almost 2 am. The midnight movie had already gained a lot of popularity despite only being shown once before so far at the festival. Then we got word that a very VIP person was coming to the screening. Security kept calling to notify us of how far away they were and to make the request that the theater be seated already so that they could sit in the back to be there for the Q & A afterwards. So after seating them, we calmly waited and then in walked Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon with a large entourage. I'm not a big fan of hers, but it was definitely fun to see her.
I just have one more shift to work this weekend and it will be over again until next year.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
To Cry or not to Cry
Yes I cry a lot, but this is not about me. This is about Bailey. Who is a very happy baby, who never fusses unless she's tired or hungry. Except at night. At night she is much more temperamental. In fact, more temperamental than any other baby her age that I've heard of. I'm talking 4 to 6 awakenings at night.
Bailey is not a good sleeper and never has been. And for the last 4 weeks I've been trying to change that, to help her learn how to soothe herself to sleep so that her frequent night awakenings don't require my assistance to go back to sleep. Sure she does still need to eat at least once in the night, but the story seems to be that she's waking up for attention also, as evident by wakings just after feedings.
Encouraged by her doctor at her 4 month visit, I began testing the waters of letting her cry a bit. With more and more people telling me of their good experiences with BabyWise or the Weissbluth book on sleep, I felt further encouraged to get Bailey started on a good sleep schedule. Most of the literature says to give it a good 2 weeks.
Over the last 4 weeks I've seen some improvements in her sleep, less awakenings at night and longer sleep periods. But I've also experienced nights where I listened to her cry for 90 minutes, and got up nearly every 30 minutes to help soothe her back to sleep. At first I was "visiting" her in her crib, as recommended by her doctor and others. These visits would be to calm her down and then leave again so she can put herself to sleep. However, it took several minutes to calm her down and although I wouldn't pick her up, she began expecting me to stay there, hand on her cheek, bent over the crib railing.
If the visits didn't prove effective, I'd pick her up and rock her or feed her back to sleep after 1 hour of crying. My doctor didn't believe that Bailey could cry for a full hour. Well she cried that long so many times that I think she learned a tolerance for an hour of crying. Now I'm not one to enjoy listening to my baby cry when I'm steps away and can get her back to sleep in minutes with a certain body part. But I was warned that if I did, she would learn to wake up for that even if she didn't need it.
So I'm still working on the sleep training as they call it. I have every right to have given up after 2 weeks, and believe me I've told myself I would many mornings, but I don't want to have wasted those tears of hers and mine, and each night I see an improvement in one area and maybe a drawback in another. She may sleep a rare 6 hours before her first awakening but then be up several times after that. Or she may cry for 90 minutes on her first awakening only to wake 2 hours later to be fed, but then go an uninterrupted 3.5 hours in the early am which is unheard of.
I keep doing it because overall, there have been minor improvements for the cost of those tears. And because each day I tell myself I'll just try one more night and then I re-read the passage pertaining to what I need and tell myself I've just got to keep doing it.
And nothing sucks more than this.
Bailey is not a good sleeper and never has been. And for the last 4 weeks I've been trying to change that, to help her learn how to soothe herself to sleep so that her frequent night awakenings don't require my assistance to go back to sleep. Sure she does still need to eat at least once in the night, but the story seems to be that she's waking up for attention also, as evident by wakings just after feedings.
Encouraged by her doctor at her 4 month visit, I began testing the waters of letting her cry a bit. With more and more people telling me of their good experiences with BabyWise or the Weissbluth book on sleep, I felt further encouraged to get Bailey started on a good sleep schedule. Most of the literature says to give it a good 2 weeks.
Over the last 4 weeks I've seen some improvements in her sleep, less awakenings at night and longer sleep periods. But I've also experienced nights where I listened to her cry for 90 minutes, and got up nearly every 30 minutes to help soothe her back to sleep. At first I was "visiting" her in her crib, as recommended by her doctor and others. These visits would be to calm her down and then leave again so she can put herself to sleep. However, it took several minutes to calm her down and although I wouldn't pick her up, she began expecting me to stay there, hand on her cheek, bent over the crib railing.
If the visits didn't prove effective, I'd pick her up and rock her or feed her back to sleep after 1 hour of crying. My doctor didn't believe that Bailey could cry for a full hour. Well she cried that long so many times that I think she learned a tolerance for an hour of crying. Now I'm not one to enjoy listening to my baby cry when I'm steps away and can get her back to sleep in minutes with a certain body part. But I was warned that if I did, she would learn to wake up for that even if she didn't need it.
So I'm still working on the sleep training as they call it. I have every right to have given up after 2 weeks, and believe me I've told myself I would many mornings, but I don't want to have wasted those tears of hers and mine, and each night I see an improvement in one area and maybe a drawback in another. She may sleep a rare 6 hours before her first awakening but then be up several times after that. Or she may cry for 90 minutes on her first awakening only to wake 2 hours later to be fed, but then go an uninterrupted 3.5 hours in the early am which is unheard of.
I keep doing it because overall, there have been minor improvements for the cost of those tears. And because each day I tell myself I'll just try one more night and then I re-read the passage pertaining to what I need and tell myself I've just got to keep doing it.
And nothing sucks more than this.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Thursday, January 08, 2009
And Secondly
A follow-up thought on my Revolutionary Road post.
How can I profess to even want all of the things I say I do if every time I listen to the song "Castles in the Air" by Don McLean, one of my all-time favorite songs, I'm full of desire for the simplest life possible? (Preferably in this house in Teasdale.)
From "Castles in the Air":
But how can words express the feel of sunlight in the morning,
In the hills, away from city strife.
I need a country woman for my wife;
I'm city born, but I love the country life.
For I cannot be part of the cocktail generation:
Partners waltz, devoid of all romance.
The music plays and everyone must dance.
I'm bowing out. I need a second chance.
I mean, seriously, where do I get off saying I want to do all of these grand things and then say I might just be happy living in the heart of Utah's desert the rest of my life?
How can I profess to even want all of the things I say I do if every time I listen to the song "Castles in the Air" by Don McLean, one of my all-time favorite songs, I'm full of desire for the simplest life possible? (Preferably in this house in Teasdale.)
From "Castles in the Air":
But how can words express the feel of sunlight in the morning,
In the hills, away from city strife.
I need a country woman for my wife;
I'm city born, but I love the country life.
For I cannot be part of the cocktail generation:
Partners waltz, devoid of all romance.
The music plays and everyone must dance.
I'm bowing out. I need a second chance.
I mean, seriously, where do I get off saying I want to do all of these grand things and then say I might just be happy living in the heart of Utah's desert the rest of my life?
Revolutionary Road
I don't like the book really, but I can't seem to put it down. The problem is that I don't like the main characters, they seem snobbish and shallow. They look down on everyone else. But I am driven by the idea that life often becomes exactly what you mean for it not to be and before you know it you may have sacrificed your dreams.
For example, I live in the suburbs and desperately miss being downtown. I recognize the benefit of a larger house, yard, and kids on the street for my kids to play with (but as we all know, I'm most crazy about the hot tub). I'll admit that Tyler and I get out quite a bit comparatively, but for me personally, it's been a rapid decline since getting married--less concerts, less walks, less festivals, exhibits, etc. So I occasionally lament these losses. But I'm trying to be part of my community here as well, which involves participating in things I never imagined myself doing.
On Sunday I went to church and listened to the women talk about ways to "simplify" our lives. They discussed 4 basic needs: food, shelter, clothing, and fuel (in this case, spiritual fuel). Then each gave tips of how to plan a menu, shop affordable clothing, and cut out things in our schedule. The irony is that they also announced the activities for the week and it seemed there was something every night, some class or lesson or social gathering that, while helpful or educational or even relaxing, was just another to-do on my calendar.
And while I do value recipe exchanges and child-rearing tips while men talk sports and work, I desperately wish there could be more talk about what makes us human. I wish there was more blood in these get-togethers.
And yet how can I decline invitations for some things I crave? I deem myself the snob for not participating in the neighborhood book club because their choices seemed all too fluffy. Feeling bad about that, I attended the get-to-know-each-other night in an effort to show my eagerness to be friends, and found myself saying things and talking about things I don't really care about just to be talking: "Yes I bought this eye-shadow at blah blah blah." "Yes I drive a blah blah blah."
When I picked out the book "Revolutionary Road" after seeing the movie preview, Tyler confessed worrying that it would make me feel more unhappy. His concern is validated by my fear that the price of happiness is to stop caring about your dreams. It may not matter if you never get to live someplace exotic with the person you love or if you don't have as many stimulating discussions as you'd like, or ever be as honest as you'd like on your blog and so on, but if that's what you want, must you give up on it to be happy? I'll probably end up realizing like the girl in "Love in the Time of Cholera" that I've been happy much of the time that I thought I wasn't.
So I guess it's kind of depressing, the book is, but reading it actually makes me realize how much I don't want to be like them. And how happy my relationships actually make me! I think I just get defensive when I sense a threat to an unattained dream. I am impatient to experience some of the things I want to experience and isn't that just as bad as being impatient to have luxuries that come after years of work?
For example, I live in the suburbs and desperately miss being downtown. I recognize the benefit of a larger house, yard, and kids on the street for my kids to play with (but as we all know, I'm most crazy about the hot tub). I'll admit that Tyler and I get out quite a bit comparatively, but for me personally, it's been a rapid decline since getting married--less concerts, less walks, less festivals, exhibits, etc. So I occasionally lament these losses. But I'm trying to be part of my community here as well, which involves participating in things I never imagined myself doing.
On Sunday I went to church and listened to the women talk about ways to "simplify" our lives. They discussed 4 basic needs: food, shelter, clothing, and fuel (in this case, spiritual fuel). Then each gave tips of how to plan a menu, shop affordable clothing, and cut out things in our schedule. The irony is that they also announced the activities for the week and it seemed there was something every night, some class or lesson or social gathering that, while helpful or educational or even relaxing, was just another to-do on my calendar.
And while I do value recipe exchanges and child-rearing tips while men talk sports and work, I desperately wish there could be more talk about what makes us human. I wish there was more blood in these get-togethers.
And yet how can I decline invitations for some things I crave? I deem myself the snob for not participating in the neighborhood book club because their choices seemed all too fluffy. Feeling bad about that, I attended the get-to-know-each-other night in an effort to show my eagerness to be friends, and found myself saying things and talking about things I don't really care about just to be talking: "Yes I bought this eye-shadow at blah blah blah." "Yes I drive a blah blah blah."
When I picked out the book "Revolutionary Road" after seeing the movie preview, Tyler confessed worrying that it would make me feel more unhappy. His concern is validated by my fear that the price of happiness is to stop caring about your dreams. It may not matter if you never get to live someplace exotic with the person you love or if you don't have as many stimulating discussions as you'd like, or ever be as honest as you'd like on your blog and so on, but if that's what you want, must you give up on it to be happy? I'll probably end up realizing like the girl in "Love in the Time of Cholera" that I've been happy much of the time that I thought I wasn't.
So I guess it's kind of depressing, the book is, but reading it actually makes me realize how much I don't want to be like them. And how happy my relationships actually make me! I think I just get defensive when I sense a threat to an unattained dream. I am impatient to experience some of the things I want to experience and isn't that just as bad as being impatient to have luxuries that come after years of work?
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