when we find the perfect water

When we find the perfect water
We'll hang out on the shore
Just long enough to leave our clothes there
--Modest Mouse "Fire it Up"

The HB and I went to see Modest Mouse for our second time together on Monday night. I'm in love with everything Isaac Brock writes. As an archaeology undergrad I especially appreciate that there's a song called "australopithecus" and I'm crazy about the song "parting of the sensory" about carbon dating on their new album.

As for our perfect water, the HB and I are still looking for it. I can't figure out if I'm the one whose been ready to get naked and jump in and he just can't give me everything or if I'm the one afraid to jump in. I feel like I'm giving everything I can, but honestly there wasn't much for me to leave behind. I want us to be as close as possible. For the HB I'll say I think he is accustomed to being surrounded by people who love and adore him, so I'm not as much of an integral player as I'd like to be. And it's hard not to be jealous that life seems so easy for him, and to not be angry that I've worked so hard for years to establish my identity and get over my past only to have to do it all over again post-marriage.

There are so many things that I wanted, so many that I still want, and some that I gave up wanting. But I want my husband and I love him terribly.

So here are some more Modest Mouse words I would give to the HB:

It was not the intention
But we let it all go
Well it messed up the function
And sure fucked up the flow
I hardly have people that I needed to know
'Cause you're the people that I wanted to know
All this scrambling around
Hunting high and then low
Looking for the face love
Or somewhere to go
I hardly have places that I need to go
'Cause you're the places that I wanted to go
Yeah you're the places that we wanted to go
Yeah you're the places that we wanted to go