Walking, Talking Baby Doll

Check out Bailey's walking and talking skills over on Tyler's blog here. He put together a few videos we've taken of her walking and her attempts to talk on the phone, though I'm not sure where she got the idea to hold the phone all the way behind her head. She is already a better walker and will be running before we know it I'm sure.

She is getting more and more grown up every day. I took this the other day of her playing with her high chair, she played there for a long time just chatting away about something. Her hair is getting longer and thicker too, but it is so incredibly light that it hardly shows up in pictures at all.

Baby Bird

Bailey and I were at home getting ready for the day when I opened the door to the garage to check on something and right there on the mat was a baby bird. Most likely the bird was injured though I couldn't see how or where. But he only took small little steps and didn't get spooked at our curiosity. Bailey was very interested in it and every time we came near to the garage again would kick her legs and lean forward out of my arms to see inside (she loves animals). This was while I was trying to take pictures of it. I stepped down and opened the door to the back yard in case it might be able to walk outside and a few minutes later when we came back it was gone. I hope it survived.

Conor Oberst and the mystic emotional basketcase.

I went to see Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band with the HB on Saturday. I was really looking forward to it having seen him in 2006 when he was touring as "Bright Eyes". It was an incredible show then, and I knew it would be incredible again. I was long overdue for a good concert too and the summer outdoor shows can be especially moving.



I've liked his music from the very start, for how expressive and raw and un-manufactured it is. And I'm particularly liking this new turn towards a more folk-rock sound that retains his original intensity. I don't believe intensity should be sacrificed for anything, probably it should, but I've never found reason for it.



I am still reeling from the emotions of the past several weeks. And the show really got me thinking. I've discovered what my problem is, you may laugh, but bear with me. I feel like I have all the passion of an artist, but none of the talent. Perhaps if I were a musician, a painter, a writer, or an actress people would value my ability to articulate what I'm feeling, but because I have no such talent my expressiveness is deemed inappropriate.

That may sound a bit defensive, but in truth I never meant to hurt anyone. I have made very careful deliberations about what needed to be censored on this blog while still allowing it to represent who I am and the way I experience life. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I DO wish that personal pain was something people were more willing to discuss. I begin to feel a bit robot-ish when I'm not able to express myself, and I have a totally irrational fear that I will stop feeling alive when I allow myself to stop feeling things. I found it really refreshing to discuss true emotions when I participated in group therapy for a short while when I was at BYU. I just wish there was more honesty about the way marriage is and the way religion is and just more honesty about the way people are and the way they feel things.

Thank God there are rock concerts for letting some of that stuff out. Now if only I were a rock star.

Happy Father's Day

I loved being able to see Tyler become a father all over again this last year. I loved how sweetly he sped to the hospital to see Bailey and I between coaching two football practices a day that first week of practice. I love to see him now as he plays peek-a-boo with her and he helps her "practice" her gymnastics by flipping her in the air. She adores her father so much and just loves to sit outside and watch him work in the yard.


This year Tyler will coach Caiden's little league football team again. Caiden adores his father too, though he might not like my use of that word. He always has to keep tabs on where Tyler is at and often asks him before bed to play a short game of sword-fighting of Call of Duty. This year Tyler taught him how to rappel and now it's the first thing he wants to do when we arrive in camp. Tyler is an excellent teacher.


Here is a picture of me and my dad when I was little.


I don't remember that picture specifically, but I do remember loving it when he played his violin.

When I was little he sometimes had to go on overnight business trips and would take turns taking each of us. I remember one time on such a trip I had just learned to count to 100 and I did it aloud for him in the car. I remember finishing and then asking him if he wanted to hear me do it again and I remember him saying yes. I can't imagine how annoying that must have been, but it seems an important memory for such a small little event.

One of the greatest things my dad taught me when I was little was to help me learn to waterski. I hated it the first time when I was 9. I couldn't control the skis and they always ended up behind me with my legs behind me and I couldn't get them to come around in front and then stay parallel pointing up in the water. Eventually the next two summers my dad would get in the water behind me (he did this for my sister and I) and he would hold the bottom of the skis steady under the water and wait there while I took off and went as far and long as I could. At first that wasn't far at all, but eventually it got longer and longer and the end of the summer I turned 11 I finally was able to waterski for a long time and began to learn to get up on my own. A few years later he led us kids in being able to drop a ski and eventually get up slalom waterskiing. I love waterskiing still and thank my dad for teaching me!

Evidence of Independence

See my post below about how if you have ears that stick out it means you are fiercely independent.

I am on the right, with the ears that stick out to there.



Check out Bailey's ears, perhaps this is why she still doesn't sleep through the night--she has a mind of her own!

Wisdom of my face

I caught just a few minutes of the radio on my way in to work this morning and they were discussing Chinese Face reading with an expert who recently wrote the book "Wisdom of Your Face." Lucky for me, I caught a portion about a facial feature I have, or at least was very prominent when I was a baby and that Bailey and I share. That is our ears stick out. From the blog:

So what in Barack Obama’s face might have contributed to his success? Here is what Chinese Face Reading has to say:

1 - His ears stick out. This reveals a highly independent nature, not always doing what he’s told.

Highly independent? Sounds pretty accurate to me. Interesting stuff.

Wishing I was a Brother

Growing up my sister and I were often envious of our brothers' 50-mile hikes each summer. Since boyscouting was sanctioned by our church, we would eventually approach our Bishop and request that the young women be able to have their own 50-miler. Of course the hopeful words from him never actually came to fruition.

For just a moment here let me be the victim. Let me just say how unfair it all is and how my heart is breaking over it before you tell me how miniscule it is and how oversensitive I'm being. Let me say how I am not sure I'll get over it or when I'll stop crying every time I think about it before you tell me I shouldn't express negative feelings in a public place.

When you're growing up people tell you "life isn't fair" but no one ever says "life is a bitch," just like when you're getting marred people tell you "marriage is hard" but no one ever says "sometimes marriage is a world of pain."

In this case, I would say life is certainly a bitch. I pride myself on knowing what I want and working hard to get it. I'm attracted to people that are decisive and ambitious and I think that's because that's how I see myself or maybe it's just how I try to be. So when I've said over and over that I want to do something, but been denied the opportunity, it breaks my heart that the same person who would deny me would gladly give that opportunity to people who have never asked for it or even perhaps realized they wanted it before such an opportunity was presented to them. Am I less worthy? Am I less deserving?

Some may say "let him have time to himself" to which I would say "I do. I've encouraged numerous activities that wouldn't have even taken place if I hadn't suggested them as well as willingly sent him to others when I would have rather had him with me." I've stood by as he got invited to do something by others that I asked him to do and watched him go with them.

I'm not heart-broken that he's going on a technical canyonnering camping trip with his brothers and not with me, I'm heart-broken that when I ask to do something hard-core, when I'm bursting to try something new, to explore the unknown together, I get turned down and then suddenly, the trip is planned as a brothers-only occasion.

I love being a woman, but I sure wish I was somebody's brother.

And You Will Tell Them Yes

This is from an old Nike ad that I love, it inspires me in so many ways:


"All your life you are told the things you cannot do. All your life they will say you're not good enough or strong enough or talented enough; they will say you're the wrong height or the wrong weight or the wrong type to play this or be this or achieve this. THEY WILL TELL YOU NO, a thousand times no, until all the no's become meaningless. All your life they will tell you no, quite firmly and very quickly.
AND YOU WILL TELL THEM YES."


It's amazing how overtime we forget that that's what we're hearing all around us all the time. How you can live your life thinking you won't let it get to you and then suddenly realize you've been letting it happen for a really long time. And something cheesy, though powerful, cheesy because it's a marketing gimick, moves you to snap out of it again.