Your visit was the most wonderful gift I could have ever imagined. About six months ago when I wrote about getting in touch with the adopted family of my son it still didn't seem real that I would actually get to meet you. Again, I have to thank your wonderfully warm-hearted mother for being so loving and open and for bringing you with her for a visit all of the way from Alaska.
My heart pounded just seeing you and yet strangely, I didn't know what to say. I didn't even want to say anything at all, I just wanted to hear you really, to hear what your voice sounded like, and I was afraid that I would miss something if I moved when you spoke. Because of this, afterward I was a little worried that I didn't express my love enough. How could you really know how much I love you and how proud I am of what a fun and sweet and ambitious boy you have become? And what if I said too much and it was overwhelming or awkward to have such expressions coming from someone you have only ever heard about?
I didn't want to make you embarrassed, but I also wondered if you knew how much I would have poured and poured and poured out my love to you, but it would still have not made a good or very happy life for you had I not placed you for adoption at the time of your birth. Most importantly, I wondered if you ever knew how much your birth has defined the shape of my own life and my journey into adulthood?
My son, you have been a bigger influence on me than anyone in my life without ever even knowing it. I've always thought of you with such pride, and now that I've had the chance to meet you, I am convinced that you'll be able to do so much with your life and live it to the fullest!
I am so happy to know your mother and I can't say enough how grateful I am to her and her husband for giving you such a wonderful life full of family and friends and wonderful memories and experiences! I will be eternally grateful for her opening her heart to me as well. I never expected that I would have the chance to meet you, though it was something I had always hoped for.
I loved watching Bailey giving you kisses! I am sure you are a wonderful brother!
I love being a mom and with your visit, I again feel a renewed sense of purpose. Thank you! I can't wait to get to know you better over the years.
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9 comments:
that totally made me cry. you have such a wonderful way of writing about things. I'm so happy that you got to meet your son!
Oh Alene! You are a wonderful person and have such a good heart.
I would not have appreciated your experience like I did were I not a mother myself. Words can't express the blessings of motherhood and the joy you must have to know a son you've never known! I'm beyond thrilled for you!
What beautiful words. I'm so glad you had this opportunity! And even if he doesn't quite comprehend the power and strength of your love now, he will someday.
When did you have a baby that you gave up for adoption? Wow.. what an amazing experience for you. Is he going to be part of your other kid's life now? I can only imagine what the possibilities can be for you / your family. Hope the best for you!!
Oh.. forgot to mention.. he looks so much like you :) What a handsome young man.
wow....mom said that he didn't look like you, but I think he does! Congratulations, Alene.
I hope one day Mandi has the courage to see her birth mother.
that's so great. I love it! I totally admire you and I think you've got such a great perspective on the whole thing.
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