SFF3

Between screenings at the theater last night I went down to the green room to count ballots for the first film. There were over 400 to sort so I asked some of the volunteers to help me. While sorting ballots we got talking about marriage. Most of the volunteers are older than myself, been married longer. One older guy who I knew from my old gym talked really negatively about it. The other women were sort of neutral about it and seemed content with that. It frustrated me--don't these people want a good relationship?? Why be content with merely being roommates, or just staying together out of comfort? Are we so lazy that we will settle for mediocrity and not strive for something more?

I wanted to talk to the HB about it last night, but didn't have a chance. Then I couldn't sleep. It's hard for me to sleep most nights. I think I'm still used to coming home and talking with my roommates for hours sometimes to wind down and get the day out of me. When I don't get to let out any of my thoughts or experiences I can't wind down or let the day go. I want a good life, a good marriage, not mediocrity. I want to be fulfilled. It may be noble to stay together for children I agree, but at the expense of losing your soul? I like that line from a Tori Amos' song: "You're just an empty cage girl if you kill the bird."

Today's the first day of the fest that I"m not actually working the theater so I'm meeting the HB up in Park City to see some films and maybe just get some nachos at the brewery on Main Street. I love it up there.